The Mr. Crime Gazette

The daily comings and goings and goings on of the UCB Harold Team Mr. Crime.

OMG! It’s ANCHOR BOY OF THE YEAR: 2011!!!

No, it is not Wednesday. That’s because Wednesday is reserved for REGULAR Anchor Boy announcements. And you are right, there has not been a regular Anchor Boy announcement for two weeks. But there is a reason. And the reason is that the elegant, glorious ladies of Mr. Crime have been anonymously immersed in the most rigorous anonymous voting process of all: Deciding who will be awarded the coveted title of 2011’s ANCHOR BOY OF THE YEAR.

Weeks after the anonymous voting process began, the results have been anonymously synthesized, analyzed and tabulated. And we are thrilled to announce that the title of 2011’s ANCHOR BOY OF THE YEAR belongs to … ZACHARY NIXON WILLIS.

Why did Mr. Willis win? Hard to say, exactly. After all, there were pages and pages of anonymous ballots. There was an anonymous oral exam. There was a lengthy anonymous essay portion that produced more anonymous prose than Tolstoy produced in his entire career, and an anonymous “secret interview” portion that was both always happening and never happening. But then again, an anonymous picture is worth a thousand anonymous words, and LOOK AT THESE BABIES:

Has there ever been somebody so loveable? The anonymous ladies of Mr. Crime do not think so. And, in 2011, lovability reigned supreme. Congratulations, Zack Willis, on a title truly deserved. We raise our glasses to your floppy hair, and your funny ideas and your hipster tie-wearing. Also, we think it’s hilarious when you get mad.

Three final notes regarding the Mr. Crime Anchor Boy Title:

1. REGULAR Anchor Boy announcements will resume next week.

2. Patrick Noth’s 2012 Anchor Boy Eligibility is currently anonymously under review. The anonymous Anchor Boy Executive Board should arrive at a decision in approximately six weeks.

3. The goal of this post was to take up as much “front page” room on the Mr. Crime Gazette as possible.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!

  1. ryanxilliams reblogged this from themrcrimegazette
  2. gilmoregurlz reblogged this from themrcrimegazette and added:
    what crazy news!
  3. themrcrimegazette posted this