The Mr. Crime Gazette

My staff tells me that Mr. Crime, a New York-based improv group, will be performing second at something called “Harold Night” tonight at the ridiculously-named “Upright Citizens Brigade Theater”. America, this show stands in contrast to everything I believe in. If you want to show your love and support of me, my campaign, and my values, DO NOT attend this performance.

—Newt Gingrich